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If you’ve read my sobriety story, you have an idea of how I finally stopped drinking, got sober and said goodbye to alcohol forever with zero regrets. However, what was that turning point for me where I just KNEW I needed to stop drinking?
There were a few incidents that I can think of where I finally admitted that my drinking had become a problem. I also noticed a slow, subtle unraveling of my life….
Putting the kids to bed earlier so mommy can get some alone time to drink, which especially happened when my husband took extended work trips…
Rushing home from work after teaching my evening Pilates classes so that I could enjoy a few drinks….
Packing all the kids up in the car (yes all 4, all still in car seats!) so mommy can go get some more wine from the store because I only had a half box of Bota Box wine left and I knew that wouldn’t get me through the evening…
These are a few of many subtle things that happened over the course of time that led me to realize that alcohol was slowly ruling my life (and my family’s life too.)
Something’s Gotta Give
This awareness showed me that although I was a high functioning alcoholic, SOMETHING had to give. I could not keep going down the path I was with the amount that I was drinking every day. I knew inevitably, terrible consequences for myself and my family would arise from my daily decision to get sloppy, blackout drunk. Once I became aware that I actually had a problem with alcohol, then came the many failed attempts to manage my drinking.
My failed alcohol management techniques included:
Not drinking during the week
Only drinking beer during the week
Only drinking wine during the week
Only drinking vodka during the week
Only drinking rum during the week
Sticking with one type of alcohol for the night (no shots if I was drinking wine, for example, and nevermind the fact that I could finish off two bottles of wine by myself!)
2 drinks per evening (who cares if I threw 4 SHOTS (yep) into each drink and downed another shot while making my second 4-shot drink? that in between drink DID NOT COUNT!)
Listening to hypnosis tracks to drink less
Waiting as late as possible to begin drinking each night
Drinking water in between drinks to slow down the effects of consuming too much, too fast…
The Point of No Return
And with this came the point of no return… where my drinking was no longer manageable. Drinking became all consuming. It was the center of attention. It was a habit that needed constant tending to and became overwhelming. Each morning I would wake up embarassed and devastated by my drinking from the night before, only to scan my schedule by midday, attempting to figure out when I could have my first sweet sip of wine or shot of rum later that evening… Nothing else mattered except for that next drink.
It was after these failed attempts at managing my alcohol that I realized I truly needed to stop drinking alcohol, for good.
No limiting my drinks, no slowing down my consumption, no drinking water in between shots, no meditation or hypnosis to drink less, no drinking before 9pm….full on sobriety is what my addictive personality needed in order to conquer my abusive drinking habits.
My initial reaction to this realization was one of sadness. Alcohol had become so intertwined in my life that I thought there was no way I could survive this world sober.
Alcohol was like a dependable friend, always ready to bring the party, calm the overwhelm, or lessen the anxiety.
I am grateful in finding my way and learning that an alcohol free life is truly one worth living.
At what point did you realize you needed to stop drinking, forever?
P.S. If you need help figuring out this whole sobriety thing, this book by Annie Grace is a game changer and I highly recommend it! This book got me started on my path to alcohol sobriety.